Many people that I have talked to wonder just why guys like beer so much. This has prompted me to consider the question myself. What is it that makes me like this beer so much? Fortunately I passed out before arriving at an answer.
The types of beer are as numerous as the chicks waiting to suck my rod (that's alot) but most people will agree that what I am about to show you is the best and most concise way to break them down. On the other hand, who gives a shit. Whatever gets you drunk enough to fuck a cow.
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CLASSIFICATION #1
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You have to start at the top. There are many expensive beers, and anyone who tells you price has nothing to do with taste is probably my Dad. He drinks Gennesee Cream Ale, a fabulous blend of shit and shit. I digress. The definitive expensive beer is probably Guinness. Guiness is a drink and a meal all in one. You can pour a tall frosty pint with a foaming white head and drink it down, or you can use the can opener to open it and eat it like tuna fish. (Do not add mayo). Guinness is the real reason that I haven't killed myself yet. (who knew!)
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CLASSIFICATION #2
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The second is the most sought after but possibly least used, at least at College. We're to fucking poor to afford it so we drink the Beast instead. The king of 'good deal' beers is Corona Extra. It's a trendy beer in which you put a lime for some reason. Some mexicano came up with that and assumed young America would bite...He was right. All mexican mass marketing schemes aside, this is good shit. Legend has it a man, born in sin, shall come forth and drink 36 coronas and then fuck your girlfriend.
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CLASSIFICATION #3
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The third and final class of beers is known as many names. White trash beers. Redneck ale. Swill. Once upon a time I told myself I would never stoop so low as to put this God awful shit near my sacred lips. I was wrong. Some common examples this are Pabst Blue Ribbon, Iron City Light, Keystone Lager, Schaeffer light, Gennesee Cream ale, and other wonderfully shitty 'beers'. Common side effects of drinking shitty beer are ridicule of other peer groups, missing teeth, slacking jaw, and stinky beershits. A recent study shows that shitty beer might be linked with sudden blindness, insanity, and possibly death.
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